the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
