Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
