I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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