i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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