You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
