i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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