I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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