i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
