It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
