there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I need to align my fucking chakras
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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