I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
