That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
