Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
