I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm always down for nudity.
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