Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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