He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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