If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So vagazzling was a success
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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