then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
