he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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