Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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