As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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