dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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