I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize