so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
