I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
