PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
