R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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