omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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