I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
