omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
