dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
