I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
