last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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