is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
