Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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