i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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