its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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