my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
