She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
