Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
where are you?
Hypothermia
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize