How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
