ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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