On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
