I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
