My brain says no but my pants say off.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
