Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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