your parents love me but you hate me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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