ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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