his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
