I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
