Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I did not marry a roomba.
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