would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
