I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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