why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
