the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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