the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize