well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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