My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
