apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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