I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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