after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
