I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
