I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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