he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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