im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
two words...techno handjob
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
