I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
