Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
