i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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