Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
