I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
