Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
