Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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