i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
